What the heck am I even doing?!

Hey Guys.
Week 2 of a successful blogger. OW!

Can I just say... Wowza... This week has been loopy.
This week, God really taught me something that I'm SURE... SURE some of you other missionaries have felt before. I couldnt tell if it was the pre leave-for-what-seems-to-be-forever jitters or a "check in my spirit".
It was the "Oh my gosh, am I SURE this is what I'm supposed to be doing?!" mind-bomb... Yeah, that one.

Conversing back and forth with some staff members already on the mountain, I learned of some aspects of our time there that I didn't know before. I also had those "What if they don't like me? What if I'm wasting my time? If I hate it, I'll be stuck up there. What if I'm just not even YWAM material?" thoughts zipping through my mind at a bajillion miles an hour. Oh my, I felt physically sick for days.

See, this was scary because it's post-highschool life. While all my friends are skipping off to college here and there like normal American young folk; fetching degrees and money-makin' skills and whatnot, Grace is pushing "real" education aside and going to play patty-cakes in the mountains. At least, that's what it will look like on a resume for her desk job someday. Right? Well this is just ONE example of how it can be scary sometimes but also, this just purely feels like the beginning of the rest of my life, ya know?! That looks like a big deal!

Yipes!

So, I asked Jesus. and listened. and asked again. and listened some more. and this is what happened...

The cool thing about knowing God and recognizing His voice... Sometimes He speaks to you in ways you don't expect and even in ways ONLY YOU know how to understand. I love that about Him.
God reminded me of the time my dad first taught me how to rollerblade. Any of you who knew my dad, even my own siblings, would probably never guess that this happened with him, but it did. I swear. I was in 5th grade and I asked my dad to take me to a school rollerskating event. He stood a few feet in front of me as I cautiously scooted closer, bracing every muscle in my being, my knees shaking, with my hands stretched out toward him in case I fell.

  "Dont look at your feet, quit watching your feet," he said, 

"look forward, look at me." 

That is one of my favorite memories of that man. <3

After tearing up a bit, I knew what God was saying to me. Right now, even though things look shaky and scary and I cant exactly feel my feet anymore, He's saying "Look forward. Look at me." I have to learn how to trust Him, and trust what He says. And He said to lace up my snow boots and scoot.

He also reminded me of the very first time I ever felt the stunning YES to go. I was sitting in a cafe in NE Minneapolis with my mom as she shared the story of a young man that she knew who studied in Cimarron with YWAM years ago. Something about that story told me I was supposed to be there, THAT was the place I was supposed to be. I almost leaped out of my chair in excitement!! I remember that exact moment! I had never been so sure of anything in my whole 16 years of life!
Through that He reminded me that those plans never changed. They were still as sure as they were when I first attached my little heart to them. Which..... was SO assuring, it was almost one of those "duh" moments.

Bottom Line: It's still my job to DECIDE to trust Him on this.
God never changes. His truth never changes. Whether anyone chooses to believe it or not, its still truth. And that doesn't change.

I hope this means I'm officially in the missionary club.

Hopefully, I'll be better at this than I am at rollerblading.

Okay, sorry for such a long post.
Missing you all already.
Love, Gracie